The No-Starter Pack for People Pleasers

Why It’s Not Uncharitable to Say No:

Read the blog post to understand why it can be charitable to give a firm 'no' from time to time and then get your 'no' style sheet Here!

Define it: 

Part of why I love being Catholic is that we love to give everything a precise definition. Our working definition of love from Aquinas and the Catechism (1766) is “to continually will the good of the other, for the sake of the other.” If you are fearful that saying no will make you uncharitable, remember charity is another word for love, which means to be charitable towards another person means you are willing their good. It does not mean you are making sure they are never inconvenienced or unhappy. 

Lean Into Discomfort: 

Saying no can be very uncomfortable sometimes, especially when it is to someone you love or care for.  As we often see with young children, telling them no is crucial for their physical and mental wellbeing. Think about if a child asked to watch a horror movie. Of course we are going to tell them no: we know and understand that this is not healthy or good for them and by saying no we are willing their good. Is it uncomfortable to see them sad or disappointed? Of course. And the answer will still be no. 

Jesus Teaches Us a Loving ‘No’

The same is true for us with God, sometimes we ask for things and the answer is either ‘no’ or something else entirely. Think of the mother of James and John. She asks Jesus if her two sons can sit at his left and right in his kingdom. Jesus’ response is a clear no: “To sit at my right hand and at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared by my Father.”  He starts however with this understanding that he is saying no for her good “You do not know what you are asking.” I.E. You think you know best, but I am teaching you that it is better for you to entrust your sons to the Father rather than to lean on your own understanding. 

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With this in mind we have created a No Starter Pack for People Pleasers! Starting to say no can feel overwhelming if you have habitually said yes to people for years. Use this guide as a jumping off point to find a way to set boundaries and limits in a way that works best for you and your personality.